24 January 2012

"Crow is the left-handed guardian"

Tuesday morning joy, two crows perched on the fence 5 feet from me as I stopped for a coffee this morning. I was grinning like an idiot to see them so close and since two crows mean joy I really was bursting with a sunshine-y energy this foggy morning.

Crows and ravens are a totem of mine and Pixie's.  In Native American zodiac we were both born during the time of the crow.  No matter where we go, these lovely beauties follow.  Whenever we are driving one of us will point out crows we see...."three crows"...."four crows", is a frequent sound in our car.

Despite their consistent presence in my life, I find that each time I have a significant encounter with them I have to go look at their totem meaning.  Today I realised how crazy that is!  I am thinking that perhaps I am not as connected to them as I should be, despite their constant presence.  Yesterday evening I got to thinking that my magical/witchy practices really need renewed focus from me.  the last five years have been rough so my spirituality took a big old hit.  I miss the awe and wonder of exploring the pagan path.  Ten years ago I was a part of a couple online e-lists and we shared info, ideas and blogged and it was fantastic.  Ten years later the internet community has changed, now it seems that it's all about exposure and making a buck and not sharing and growing as a community, so I've been feeling quite lost.  Granted my path is my own I still like to gather ideas and such from others as they walk their own path.  In the last several years my path has been less witchy and more energetically spiritual (if that makes sense).  I am not Wiccan, I identify myself as earth centered pagan.  I think these last five years reflect my disconnection from the outdoors.  Having had school, work and living in the city and then all the stress etc. of Pixie's treatment I don't have the constant connection with quiet, woods, and natural hum of the earth to soothe myself with.  Plus the regular messages I've gotten in the last year to get out into nature have been ignored (smacks forehead).  I did make a half-assed attempt last summer and autumn, however it was challenging as the land we live on is spiritually active and was on overload for much of the summer and all through the autumn, making it tough to really relax.

So, enough of my excuses, eh?  Yeah.  I really miss sharing passion and excitement in our paths, it seems so many people have been so inundated with stress, struggle and heartache and have forgotten the joys of our spirituality.  I miss my girls of the CPD, who while I still connect with them on f@cebook it's just not the same, I feel we scattered to the four corners of the earth.  I would love to find a group that really wanted to make a working effort to reconnect to the earth/goddess/divine/nature/etc through practices, crafting, everyday living and share their experiences.  All without trying to make a buck or see how many followers to their blog they can get. Which seems to be the popular thing nowadays. :(

For now I'll work on getting myself on track, and strive to babble on about it here.

1 comment:

  1. You know, it's funny. I am still so new to the Pagan internet culture. I only entered the fray in the last year or so (really less than a year I think). I started on my path way before the internet even had pictures, lol. All the rage then was the text-based alt.pagan forum. But I get the sense that the online community has a life of its own & it is not always personal, or personable. :\

    I have found thus far, that the bloggers I have connected to most have been the folks that stumble upon my voice (or vice-versa) in the big noisy blogosphere quite by accident. A couple months after I started, I thought, gee, maybe I want to get more readership, but then I reassessed... I don't just want ANY readership, I want folks who want to share thoughts w/me, people who can relate in some way. If someone "follows" you just so that you "follow" them back & then you never communicate, well boo. What is that?

    Besides, my dad reads my blog -- each & every post. So I know I have at least one loyal, genuine reader. ;)

    I don't know if you remember, but I came across your website back in the summer/early fall & I sent you an email b/c your honesty moved me. That was when I was just getting my bearings about me in this blogoland . I have discovered & abandoned many reads since, but I keep yours close to the heart. We may not walk the same path, but you are a very *real* voice & I appreciate that.

    As for those crows. You just have to love them, no? We built them an elevated platform feeder almost two weeks ago now. Waiting to see if they are going to go for it or not, but I had to do something to stop those bloody neighborhood dogs from stealing their treats!

    Nice to have you back. I am looking forward to more of your words.