aimlessly drifting

Two months have passed since my last posting and in some aspects I have nothing to show for it. Life zooms by just trying to get through daily struggles. I've wanted to blog but had nothing I felt was worth reading (if anyone even reads here anymore) so I let the urge pass, this went on for much of the last two months.

My spiritual body is wholly neglected and forgotten.  I am lucky to be giving any focus to myself these days, but I make the effort and for right now the effort has been healing my autoimmune-diseased battered body.  I'm nine weeks gluten-free, feeling good overall however the weight gain is pissing me off.  I removed the high carb gluten free flours of my first month gluten free and that is when the weight gain really took off, so I'm frustrated as all get out trying to figure out what is going on.  Pixie and I are getting out and walking to help boost metabolism, build muscles and get fit for her Make a Wish trip this summer.  Yesterday I was brought to my knees with a stomach virus that came out of nowhere and left me feeling like a wrung out sponge. While I feel fine today my innards are a bit 'meh' at the thought of food so this will be a nice restarting point for the proper diet.

Emotional body has been getting a lot of focus, lots of old childhood pains being addressed and healed this year especially. I hope one day that I meet a great guy who is everything I want, deserve and need but with all my traumas and pain logical nags me regularly that now is not the time.  The fact I attracted the dregs of humanity were proof of that!

So back to spiritual self. This has been rearing it's head lately.  I need to focus more here and the cool thing is that yesterday morning I did a reading and it was acknowledged in the reading that I am in a place where I cannot expand and grow spiritually because of surroundings and people around me. What was very interesting for me was the focus on ancestors. I have been working heavily on tracking family history for both my family as well as the families of my niece and nephews so lots of looking at the past and solving mysteries and working puzzles. So this card (in the Earth Magic oracle deck) spoke of ancestors not only in my past but ancestral spirits in the land around me. This connected so beautifully with me and gave me a shot of energy and inspiration.  The land I live on is very negative, filled with spiritual energies that are not welcoming or friendly and it really bogs me down. I haven't been thriving like I used to living anywhere else.It's been a struggle to just survive but this was the only option we had so I make the best of it.

I was all ready to step out and take the world by the scruff of it's neck and make it mine.  the this stomach virus snuck in and kicked my ass. ugh.  So, re-examining my options while I recover.  I miss being spiritual, and witchy and feeling connected, everything felt right when I was. So now to find my way back.